More Discussions, More Decisions, More Waiting

 Spring Break is almost here! Another couple of months have passed in the life of this stork, and as usual, they have been filled with constant activity, decision making and change. When we last caught up, Ellie and Matt were in the process of grieving the loss of their second and last embryo, and I was in a state of uncertainty about where that left us on this stork adventure. A couple of weeks after my last post, the three of us sat down on for a Skype chat to discuss where we were at and what direction we were going. Ellie and Matt had a call with the RE earlier in the week and were able to ask all of the questions that they had to try to wrap their minds around how they got to this point. In my second-hand version of that conversation, it sounded like the RE told them that they were victims of bad luck. He told them that the success rate of PGD normal embryos is about 70%, and that he didn't see any reason for the two failures other than being unlucky enough to fall into the 30% group both times. He offered to perform a wide range of testing on me if it would make them feel more comfortable before the next transfer. I later was able to have a call of my own with him where he told me that he thought such testing would show that there's no definable explanation, but rule out any fears that they may have about my ability to carry. As I understand, the testing is quite expensive, but I told Ellie and Matt that I would be on board with any testing that they may want the RE to do. They told me that they wanted to take some time to consider all of their options. When they started this journey, they never imagined that it would take more than one transfer to get pregnant. When the first transfer failed, they were certain that the second one would succeed. So when the second embryo miscarried, they found themselves in a situation that they had not at all expected or planned for, emotionally or financially. They asked me if I was willing to wait a few months while they investigated other clinics and protocols, and saved some money for future retrievals and transfers. Later in the conversation, Ellie eluded to an estimated November or December transfer which was a bit longer than I had anticipated.

Afterwards, I was talking to Scott and wondering if I would go stir crazy waiting nearly a year for the next transfer. In the meantime, I received a call from my previous agency asking if I was currently working with any IPs and suggesting a couple that they would love to match me with. Omph! Here was a tough decision. I love Ellie and Matt, and want nothing more than to help them build their family. But as you know, I was not blessed with an abundance of patience. I decided that the best way to determine the next steps was to open the topic up to Ellie and Matt to see what they thought. I wasn't sure if they really were hoping for a December transfer, or wanted more time but were afraid that I wouldn't hang on for longer than that. I presented them with the idea of terminating our current contract and reactivating it when they are ready with 12-18 months in between where I could help another couple in building their family. After thinking about it for a while, Ellie let me know that she and Matt agreed that it would be a good idea for everyone if we went that route. Rather than terminating our contract though, we are amending it to be on hold until we reactivate it at a later date.

That brought me to a point of deciding which couple I would be working with. The agency had called me about a specific couple, but I really would like to work with a couple that is at the same clinic that Matt and Ellie use so that I don't have to repeat the medical screening and psychological evaluation. I also would like to work with IPs that have frozen embryos and are ready to transfer quickly. I found a couple that are very kind and sweet with 4 high quality PGD tested frozen embryos. My first instinct is that I would love to help them, but they are very set on their clinic on the East Coast. I dipped my toes into the water to see if their clinic would at least accept my medical screening and/or psychological screening from the previous clinic. They were not open to that, so I am a bit reluctant on this match, although I did send in my records for review with their clinic. As I understand it, their clinic is extra picky about the surrogates that they approve in order to maximize their success rates. This also makes me a bit reluctant in thinking that we could get a couple of months into this process only to have the clinic decide that they won't work with me for some reason. In the meantime, I connected with a set of IPs with 9 frozen PGD tested embryos at the clinic in TransferCity. I spoke with them over the phone and had a pretty good conversation. In the following week they were in touch to say that they would really like to match and move quickly, but only if I was willing to pay for expenses incurred at the IVF clinic because my insurance wouldn't cover them. I politely bowed out of the matching discussion and wished them well. This week, the agency called me to say that they have another couple that they would like me to meet. This couple is local, and we had a great phone conversation last night. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm leaning more toward the local couple or the East Coast couple, but I'm going to have to make a decision and go with it soon. I'm keenly aware that the longer the matching process takes, the longer the break is for Ellie and Matt.